Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
