I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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