Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
