It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
