I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
