when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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