now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
True college students do jello shots in the library
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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