Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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