It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
