don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
