Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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