I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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