you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
