sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
