The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
