1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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