I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
