thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
