He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
