he wants to bone in the snuggie
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
