After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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