I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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