this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
