I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
