So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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