So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
