your thong is hanging out like whoa
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
