Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is Oprah even human
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
