He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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