lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
