Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
