I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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