PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
