I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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