HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
