We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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