and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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