I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
