I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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