Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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