Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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