before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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