he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
