So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
