Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
