So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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