You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
