a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
