when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
