Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
