Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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