Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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