Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
