Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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