how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
