i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you didnt know i had herpes?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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