Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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