How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
