I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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