Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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