just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
