being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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