Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
