My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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