My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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