we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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