you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
