I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
