I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
