I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
