Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
