that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
