This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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