Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
