Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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