Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
