dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
