but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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