Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
