Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
