I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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