**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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