Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
