2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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